Damned if Ya Do and Damned if Ya Don’t

Have any of you ever been in some sort of conflict where you feel like you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t? So either way you handle the situation, it won’t matter because in the end you are the one who still loses, is still screwed, and/or looks like the “bad guy” anyway. Maybe this has happened to you in the workplace? Within a group of friends, or what I consider to be the worst….within your family?

I’ll tell you one thing I’ve learned; I will never use the form of “texting” again for a serious, lengthy or somewhat important conversation! I don’t know about how anybody else feels about this, but absolutely nothing in my experience has ever gone truly right. There are too many small, yet extremely important parts of a conversation that get lost in text, and along with an example, I’ll show one of my recently used texts and if it isn’t as simple as this (which still isn’t entirely 100% simple with “text-lang” ) than I will not text or use this type of communication anymore. Not just that but way too much of that really “cool” text conversation we use everyday gets taken out of context----it’s ridiculous! So here’s my new deal--I refuse to text anymore unless it is short, sweet and to the point, for example, something like “honey, pls stop @ store 4 milk on yor way hm”. Now if my honey doesn’t understand or questions the meaning, he is so smart because you know what he does……he picks up the phone and he calls me! Problem solved right? Wrong! Why do people feel the need to text about serious things that should be done via an e-mail or a phone call!! What is wrong with this damn world?? Big corporations don’t text important data back and forth to each other do they? If they do….I want to know which of them do this? Please do tell!

Ok so let us get back to the issue…..don’t you hate situations that no matter how you think you can fix the conflict at hand, you have decided that you just won’t win no matter how you handle it? And after several days of thinking about this more and more it is true and I’m not going to win but I could give two shits about winning this argument. The argument comes down to whether or not I should apologize for the same text that I sent to two different people. One is direct family member (one whom I’d like to consider and be able to say I’m very close to and the other being the significant other to that family member). Now my direct family member has indicated to me that the significant other is owed an apology for my “anger” and how it was undeserving and my first thought was “yeah right….when monkeys fly out of my ass....then apologies will too!”
Now, I was not angry when I sent this text (although for whatever reason they think I was....see there is that text being taken out of "context" bullshit again……how the hell l do they know….how can you tell if someone is pissed in a text anyway? Well for me it’s usually when the words damn, shit hell, f@#* are used and everything is in capital letters right?

So I've decided that I want to share with all of you, part of the text I sent and then you tell me if you feel it is an angry tone (since I was accused of taking out my anger on someone) ….just please tell me people. I need response to this. Okay so my text read something like “you know you have hurt a lot of people’s feelings….I hope you will at least go see our grandfather before you leave" (this is while this family member is home for a 2 week visit)

So I get NO response from to this text from my family member. However, my other 2 brothers do finally get invited to dinner (whose previous dinner plans had been canceled before) and they were beginning to feel that they would not get to spend any time with this family member ....hence my “people’s feelings are getting hurt” part of my text, but whatever….see what I mean about stupid texts if you have to explain yourself months later is it even worth it to hit the send button in the first place?? As a matter of fact I was feeling bad for my two brothers and my grandfather (who just lost our grandmother in March of this year) but magically, after my “angry” message as it has been referred to was sent, all the sudden dinner plans were made. Of course, my two younger brothers were add-ons to what I am sure was a previously planned dinner with the significant other's family. And, a last visit was made to see my grandfather.

Now prior to them all going to dinner and everything I get 2 messages from the significant other which are summarized into “whose feelings have been hurt? We cannot fit a million things into a two week visit (but a trip to Mesquite with friends was fit in there! cool!) and we have been trying to get the house ready so I don't have to do it all by myself and I don’t appreciate the guilt trip”…….
Now I just have one thing to say that I did learn during my several years of therapy that in his infinite wisdom my brilliant therapist kept pounding in my head (you know for a mere $150/hr) and it was “people don’t put you on guilt trips!” “There is only one person in the entire world who can put you on a guilt trip and that person is YOU!” So if you are feeling guilty about what somebody else said then that is your problem!

I’m not going to apologize for the text message I sent, and in the end does it really matter anyway because I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t right? If I sit here and ignore this whole situation then I'm damned for that to.

A wise man (my husband) said “If you choose not to apologize to the significant other of the family member who also claims they "do not hold grudges" .....than what does it matter because remember "they claim they don't hold grudges". I think indicating that the significant other is owed an apology means "there is definitely a grudge being held" until that apology is received. Well it's not gonna happen and I’m not going to play high school text games back and forth either especially when in the past the significant other has done nothing but complain about my family member and how unappreciative they are of them, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

I’m just way too old for this shit! And guess what, I just don't give A DAMN!