Physical & Chronic Pain vs. Emotional Pain: Is one better than the other???
Okay so as a person having been through both of them pretty severely, I’m not really sure what the correct answer to this question is. After having been through both I would have to say NO THERE ISN’T ONE that is GREATER OR BETTER than the OTHER! If there are those of you who agree that emotional is harder, it only tells me you have never experienced chronic excruciating physical pain but then again…..Did your child parent, sibling or spouse commit suicide? Have any of them unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide on more than one occasion? Did you lose a child to miscarriage more than once when your whole life had become based around having a child? Was your brother murdered? Was a good friend of yours killed in an auto accident? Have you lost loved ones to the big “C” word? Not fair and I can’t explain how much it hurts or feels. What I do know is this….I have been through both and guess what……physical pain hurts enough to where I HAVE thought about committing suicide myself many times. Let me clarify and say that I would never act on it, but the thought has crossed my mind. So what do we do in order to deal and live with this pain? This isn’t a blog where I give everyone all the answers! This is where I’m hoping some of you will comment and there will be some positive inspiration here. I can tell you that prayer has been a big part of my recovery. I don’t care who we are, what religion we may be, hopefully we have all been down on our knees in our lifetimes. If not, I’m telling you that you might be missing out on something big because the power is huge.
I have been wanting to post this blog for a while…..BECAUSE I really want to know does one hurt less than the other? My physical pain started in August 2007 and I never thought I would ever have to explain myself but I constantly to this day, have to do it all the time and I know there is at least half of these people who don’t’ believe that there is anything wrong with me. I am constantly answering to disability attorneys, doctors, physical therapists, etc, etc. I thought that was the worst thing I’d ever been through but losing a loved one I have to say ranks right up there and for a few moments during the deep sadness and regret, I forget about my own trials for a minute because I’m not sure which one is hurting more or less. I guess the difference is that the emotional pain over time seems not to hurt so much. I only wish the physical pain I suffer could be the same way. NO PHYSICAL AND NO EMOTIONAL PAIN SHOULD HAVE TO BE PART OF ANY OF OUR LIVES…..YET WE ALL DEAL WITH IT EVERYDAY AND IT MAKES US WHO WE ARE. WE HAVE TO CONTROL WHO WE BECOME AS A RESULT OF THESE THINGS AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE. Pain can turn you into a monster. I know, for I have been that monster more times than I ever care to remember or that I want my husband, kids and immediate family members to remember. There are many ways to deal with it. If you are someone dealing with pain, whether it be emotional or physical, the important thing is to recognize it and get the help you need. It cannot be done on your own.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
DEFINING MOMENTS
I am going to get a tad bit personal and tell a little more about my life than I normally would. You can think of me what you want and I really honestly don’t care. If I cared about what people thought about me then I wouldn’t be who I am today and the last blog I wrote would have killed me but I didn’t let it and I’m here and I am me. You either like me for who I am, or, you don’t and you think I am a total bitch and that is fine! It’s me….take it or leave it.
Recently, a very, very intelligent person (my brother, Nate—wouldn’t be right if I didn’t give him the credit here) pointed out something to me that I had never really thought about it and it has to do with the ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” of our lives and how they make us who we are. But I thought just a little bit deeper than what he was saying as far as ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” go…like when my first baby, Taylor (who is now 14), was born. WOW!! Now that was a “DEFINING MOMENT”!! Think about your first born (if you have kids) and how you felt at that moment when the miracle of new life was placed into your arms! My “DEFINING MOMENT” was a bit different because I had one of the hardest deliveries ever. But what I remember the most was my step-dad, Vern (who was still alive then) there and giving me that calm wonderful support that he was so good at doing. He hardly ever left my side for very long during those 17 hours plus of labor that I had with Taylor. Finally, after more hours than I care to remember, they finally took me for an emergency C-Section. It is hard for Taylor because he doesn’t remember Grandpa Vern. He watched the video of his birth for the first time and just kept saying mom “Who is that guy???” I said that’s Grandpa Vern and his first birthday video was the same. While we watched him dive into his cake, Vern was there in the background.
It wasn’t until I thought he was old enough to understand that I told him Grandpa Vern killed himself. For years, I just told my kids that he had died. When Taylor was old enough he asked me “how did he die mom?” and I told him. This has to be hard for anyone to digest, especially an adolescent. Shortly after his suicide I had a miscarriage. It was awful. Planned or not planned a miscarriage is one of the worst things a woman can go through…..another “DEFINING MOMENT” who made me who I am today. Later, my “baby girl” Abrianna was born, also after a rough C-Section but nonetheless, she came out happy and healthy with 10 fingers and 10 toes and she looked just like her Daddy!!! Still to this day, 9 years later, she looks nothing like me…I think he conceived her all by himself it if is humanly possible.
It was a rough time for us though……..the picture that will always remain in my mind and hurts me more than anything is standing in the driveway with my brother, Stuart, watching Nathan and Aaron get off the buses from school. I couldn’t talk so I couldn’t tell them, but Stuart did (their Dad was gone…he had killed himself) and I think they already knew as soon as they saw us standing in the driveway. This was one of the very most “DEFINING MOMENTS” of my life. And one that made me see life so much differently than I ever had before. At the time of that incident I was in shock for a long time and then I fell off the deep end, because not only did I lose one parent figure in my life but I lost two for a long time, as my mom fell further and further into her own world of major depression and never getting out of bed, just as she briefly explained in the comment to my last blog that I copied in (with her permission). You know, when my dad killed himself, my husband at the time was not there for me either, which is okay, I have totally forgiven him for that, but that was also one of those ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” of my life and it killed our marriage/relationship.
The reason I now have a twinkle in my eye and try so hard to be the best parent ever is because I fell off the deep end at that point and if it wasn’t for the impact of the drugs I did, the crazy binges and those awful encounters/collisions with other people, people that were bad or people that were like me and looking to be with other people like me (misery loves company) I would not be who I am today.
I know there are still many ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” to come for you, me and everybody and I’m ready for them. I have met a lot of “phony” people who have no idea what it is like to live the way I did growing up, and plunging myself into the world of drugs and alcohol and that’s okay. If your life wasn’t like this then all I can say is you are one lucky human being, but please don’t Judge the rest of us for who we are and what has happened to us. I’m not phony and I don’t tell people when they first meet me that my life was the “Beaver Cleaver” life, because it was far from that. The important thing is that I want my kids to have it better than I did and my mom just reminded me of that yesterday while I was arguing with my husband and she was on the phone with me at the time. Thank you Mom! I love having you back! You went through all those horrible ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” with us and the majority of us fell off the deep end, but we seem to have all recovered slowly and you are one of the main reasons why we have-----I’m so grateful to you, Mom, and I thank God everyday that I have you back!! I can’t believe how many times I said “I just want my mom back”. I can’t wait for our trip in August, so we can spend that quality time together!
The whole point of my blog is that I hope you all reflect on those “DEFINING MOMENTS” and don’t forget the lessons you taught yourself, or the ones that life taught you.
Recently, a very, very intelligent person (my brother, Nate—wouldn’t be right if I didn’t give him the credit here) pointed out something to me that I had never really thought about it and it has to do with the ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” of our lives and how they make us who we are. But I thought just a little bit deeper than what he was saying as far as ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” go…like when my first baby, Taylor (who is now 14), was born. WOW!! Now that was a “DEFINING MOMENT”!! Think about your first born (if you have kids) and how you felt at that moment when the miracle of new life was placed into your arms! My “DEFINING MOMENT” was a bit different because I had one of the hardest deliveries ever. But what I remember the most was my step-dad, Vern (who was still alive then) there and giving me that calm wonderful support that he was so good at doing. He hardly ever left my side for very long during those 17 hours plus of labor that I had with Taylor. Finally, after more hours than I care to remember, they finally took me for an emergency C-Section. It is hard for Taylor because he doesn’t remember Grandpa Vern. He watched the video of his birth for the first time and just kept saying mom “Who is that guy???” I said that’s Grandpa Vern and his first birthday video was the same. While we watched him dive into his cake, Vern was there in the background.
It wasn’t until I thought he was old enough to understand that I told him Grandpa Vern killed himself. For years, I just told my kids that he had died. When Taylor was old enough he asked me “how did he die mom?” and I told him. This has to be hard for anyone to digest, especially an adolescent. Shortly after his suicide I had a miscarriage. It was awful. Planned or not planned a miscarriage is one of the worst things a woman can go through…..another “DEFINING MOMENT” who made me who I am today. Later, my “baby girl” Abrianna was born, also after a rough C-Section but nonetheless, she came out happy and healthy with 10 fingers and 10 toes and she looked just like her Daddy!!! Still to this day, 9 years later, she looks nothing like me…I think he conceived her all by himself it if is humanly possible.
It was a rough time for us though……..the picture that will always remain in my mind and hurts me more than anything is standing in the driveway with my brother, Stuart, watching Nathan and Aaron get off the buses from school. I couldn’t talk so I couldn’t tell them, but Stuart did (their Dad was gone…he had killed himself) and I think they already knew as soon as they saw us standing in the driveway. This was one of the very most “DEFINING MOMENTS” of my life. And one that made me see life so much differently than I ever had before. At the time of that incident I was in shock for a long time and then I fell off the deep end, because not only did I lose one parent figure in my life but I lost two for a long time, as my mom fell further and further into her own world of major depression and never getting out of bed, just as she briefly explained in the comment to my last blog that I copied in (with her permission). You know, when my dad killed himself, my husband at the time was not there for me either, which is okay, I have totally forgiven him for that, but that was also one of those ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” of my life and it killed our marriage/relationship.
The reason I now have a twinkle in my eye and try so hard to be the best parent ever is because I fell off the deep end at that point and if it wasn’t for the impact of the drugs I did, the crazy binges and those awful encounters/collisions with other people, people that were bad or people that were like me and looking to be with other people like me (misery loves company) I would not be who I am today.
I know there are still many ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” to come for you, me and everybody and I’m ready for them. I have met a lot of “phony” people who have no idea what it is like to live the way I did growing up, and plunging myself into the world of drugs and alcohol and that’s okay. If your life wasn’t like this then all I can say is you are one lucky human being, but please don’t Judge the rest of us for who we are and what has happened to us. I’m not phony and I don’t tell people when they first meet me that my life was the “Beaver Cleaver” life, because it was far from that. The important thing is that I want my kids to have it better than I did and my mom just reminded me of that yesterday while I was arguing with my husband and she was on the phone with me at the time. Thank you Mom! I love having you back! You went through all those horrible ““DEFINING MOMENTS”” with us and the majority of us fell off the deep end, but we seem to have all recovered slowly and you are one of the main reasons why we have-----I’m so grateful to you, Mom, and I thank God everyday that I have you back!! I can’t believe how many times I said “I just want my mom back”. I can’t wait for our trip in August, so we can spend that quality time together!
The whole point of my blog is that I hope you all reflect on those “DEFINING MOMENTS” and don’t forget the lessons you taught yourself, or the ones that life taught you.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Damned if Ya Do and Damned if Ya Don’t
Have any of you ever been in some sort of conflict where you feel like you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t? So either way you handle the situation, it won’t matter because in the end you are the one who still loses, is still screwed, and/or looks like the “bad guy” anyway. Maybe this has happened to you in the workplace? Within a group of friends, or what I consider to be the worst….within your family?
Have any of you ever been in some sort of conflict where you feel like you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t? So either way you handle the situation, it won’t matter because in the end you are the one who still loses, is still screwed, and/or looks like the “bad guy” anyway. Maybe this has happened to you in the workplace? Within a group of friends, or what I consider to be the worst….within your family?
I’ll tell you one thing I’ve learned; I will never use the form of “texting” again for a serious, lengthy or somewhat important conversation! I don’t know about how anybody else feels about this, but absolutely nothing in my experience has ever gone truly right. There are too many small, yet extremely important parts of a conversation that get lost in text, and along with an example, I’ll show one of my recently used texts and if it isn’t as simple as this (which still isn’t entirely 100% simple with “text-lang” ) than I will not text or use this type of communication anymore. Not just that but way too much of that really “cool” text conversation we use everyday gets taken out of context----it’s ridiculous! So here’s my new deal--I refuse to text anymore unless it is short, sweet and to the point, for example, something like “honey, pls stop @ store 4 milk on yor way hm”. Now if my honey doesn’t understand or questions the meaning, he is so smart because you know what he does……he picks up the phone and he calls me! Problem solved right? Wrong! Why do people feel the need to text about serious things that should be done via an e-mail or a phone call!! What is wrong with this damn world?? Big corporations don’t text important data back and forth to each other do they? If they do….I want to know which of them do this? Please do tell!
Ok so let us get back to the issue…..don’t you hate situations that no matter how you think you can fix the conflict at hand, you have decided that you just won’t win no matter how you handle it? And after several days of thinking about this more and more it is true and I’m not going to win but I could give two shits about winning this argument. The argument comes down to whether or not I should apologize for the same text that I sent to two different people. One is direct family member (one whom I’d like to consider and be able to say I’m very close to and the other being the significant other to that family member). Now my direct family member has indicated to me that the significant other is owed an apology for my “anger” and how it was undeserving and my first thought was “yeah right….when monkeys fly out of my ass....then apologies will too!”
Now, I was not angry when I sent this text (although for whatever reason they think I was....see there is that text being taken out of "context" bullshit again……how the hell l do they know….how can you tell if someone is pissed in a text anyway? Well for me it’s usually when the words damn, shit hell, f@#* are used and everything is in capital letters right?
So I've decided that I want to share with all of you, part of the text I sent and then you tell me if you feel it is an angry tone (since I was accused of taking out my anger on someone) ….just please tell me people. I need response to this. Okay so my text read something like “you know you have hurt a lot of people’s feelings….I hope you will at least go see our grandfather before you leave" (this is while this family member is home for a 2 week visit)
So I get NO response from to this text from my family member. However, my other 2 brothers do finally get invited to dinner (whose previous dinner plans had been canceled before) and they were beginning to feel that they would not get to spend any time with this family member ....hence my “people’s feelings are getting hurt” part of my text, but whatever….see what I mean about stupid texts if you have to explain yourself months later is it even worth it to hit the send button in the first place?? As a matter of fact I was feeling bad for my two brothers and my grandfather (who just lost our grandmother in March of this year) but magically, after my “angry” message as it has been referred to was sent, all the sudden dinner plans were made. Of course, my two younger brothers were add-ons to what I am sure was a previously planned dinner with the significant other's family. And, a last visit was made to see my grandfather.
Now prior to them all going to dinner and everything I get 2 messages from the significant other which are summarized into “whose feelings have been hurt? We cannot fit a million things into a two week visit (but a trip to Mesquite with friends was fit in there! cool!) and we have been trying to get the house ready so I don't have to do it all by myself and I don’t appreciate the guilt trip”…….
Now I just have one thing to say that I did learn during my several years of therapy that in his infinite wisdom my brilliant therapist kept pounding in my head (you know for a mere $150/hr) and it was “people don’t put you on guilt trips!” “There is only one person in the entire world who can put you on a guilt trip and that person is YOU!” So if you are feeling guilty about what somebody else said then that is your problem!
Now I just have one thing to say that I did learn during my several years of therapy that in his infinite wisdom my brilliant therapist kept pounding in my head (you know for a mere $150/hr) and it was “people don’t put you on guilt trips!” “There is only one person in the entire world who can put you on a guilt trip and that person is YOU!” So if you are feeling guilty about what somebody else said then that is your problem!
I’m not going to apologize for the text message I sent, and in the end does it really matter anyway because I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t right? If I sit here and ignore this whole situation then I'm damned for that to.
A wise man (my husband) said “If you choose not to apologize to the significant other of the family member who also claims they "do not hold grudges" .....than what does it matter because remember "they claim they don't hold grudges". I think indicating that the significant other is owed an apology means "there is definitely a grudge being held" until that apology is received. Well it's not gonna happen and I’m not going to play high school text games back and forth either especially when in the past the significant other has done nothing but complain about my family member and how unappreciative they are of them, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
I’m just way too old for this shit! And guess what, I just don't give A DAMN!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I have always believed that a child that sings all the time is a really happy child. I love hearing my daughter sing with her headphones on. As I walked down the hall the other night calling her name (and she wasn't answering) before I could get to her room I realized immediately that she wasn't hearing me because she had the headphones on and was singing at the top of her lungs. Of course, I stopped right outside and just listened for a few minutes. It is one of her very favorite CD’s. It is the “Summer Splash Party Hits” CD that we purchased for $1 that she just had to have! I tried to explain to her that “true” it had some songs on it that she really liked, but that they were sung by different people that we had never heard before, which is why it was only $1. Well now we own it and we take it almost every time we go anywhere in the car or truck (much to my teenage son, Taylor’s, mega protests!!) and she sings as loudly as possible “I…..WAN-NA SOAAAK UP THE SUUUUNNN…. I WANT TO TELL EVERY- OOONNNNE TOOO LIGHTTTT-ENNEN UP” and every time I hear her little voice sing it fills my heart with joy and nothing else in the world matters except how happy I know she is at that moment. Another one of her favorites is “I Can See Clearly Now" which was also one of my step-dad’s favorite songs, so I think about how much I really miss him whenever I hear it (he committed suicide in October of 1996, I only wish he would have hung around long enough to hear her sing the darn song for him! That’s another blog for another day!). Her favorite song on the CD is “Cruel Summer” so when I hear her sing that, I think of the movie “Karate Kid” and some really fun times with my friends. Good old "Bananarama"! The other song is “Summer Nights” from the "GREASE" Movie Soundtrack so now we also own the movie (thanks to Grandma Joan for buying it for her at Christmas time) and the option that it has for her to just watch all the music parts, which she does quite often singing loudly and trying to mimic every dance move while she does. From the time she was about 4 years old until she was about 6 years old, whenever we would stop to use a public restroom, I would be standing outside the stall waiting for her and she would be singing at the top of her lungs. The other women would just walk by me and smile or say “oh how cute!” She doesn’t do it in the public restrooms as much anymore, but here at home, we all know when Abrianna is in the bathroom!
So I’d have to say that Abri has been pretty good about figuring out the correct words to most songs. Taylor, on the other hand is a little bit “off”. Okay, he’s a lot “off” when he tries to figure out the words to songs! For example, the song titled “Escape” or as most people know it as “The Pina Colada Song” (also on the Summer Splash Party hits) was hilarious the first day we put that CD in to listen to it. As I began to sing the words to the song when it started (yes, as much as I hate to admit I know the words and kind of like the song) the part came on where it goes “IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS” and Taylor (who will be so mad at me if he reads this blog) starts singing “IF YOU LIKE ME….. KISS YOUR MOTHER…..” and at first I couldn’t understand for sure if that was what he was really singing, so I waited, and sure enough that was it and I just busted up laughing and said “Taylor, do you want to know the real words to the song?” and he was like “what are you talking about?” so when I told him what they really were, then all three of us got a pretty good laugh at it. And if you aren’t laughing or smiling right now, then I guess you just had to be there!
My kids also love Queen, especially “We Are the Champions” they get into the whole slap slap clap as they slap their thighs twice and then clap. Rob & I just look at each other and smile as they sing “YOU GOT MUD ON YOUR FACE….BIG DISGRACE…..” (The slap slap clap part I think they picked up from an “ICarly” episode but it just adds to how much fun it is to hear and watch them sing the song!). Okay so to make it fair to poor Taylor that I “dissed” him in my blog (as he would say), then I’ll tell you my story which happens to involve another Queen song “Another One Bites the Dust”. I know by this point, my mom is already laughing because she knows exactly what I’m talking about. See my version of the song went something like this....dun dun dun “ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN (dun dun dun) ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN AND ANOTHER ONE’S GONE AND ANOTHER ONE’S GONE…..ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN….HEY! YOU BETTER GET ONE TOO….ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN”
Summer Splash Party Hits CD = $1, hearing your kids sing their favorite songs = PRICELESS!!
So I’d have to say that Abri has been pretty good about figuring out the correct words to most songs. Taylor, on the other hand is a little bit “off”. Okay, he’s a lot “off” when he tries to figure out the words to songs! For example, the song titled “Escape” or as most people know it as “The Pina Colada Song” (also on the Summer Splash Party hits) was hilarious the first day we put that CD in to listen to it. As I began to sing the words to the song when it started (yes, as much as I hate to admit I know the words and kind of like the song) the part came on where it goes “IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS” and Taylor (who will be so mad at me if he reads this blog) starts singing “IF YOU LIKE ME….. KISS YOUR MOTHER…..” and at first I couldn’t understand for sure if that was what he was really singing, so I waited, and sure enough that was it and I just busted up laughing and said “Taylor, do you want to know the real words to the song?” and he was like “what are you talking about?” so when I told him what they really were, then all three of us got a pretty good laugh at it. And if you aren’t laughing or smiling right now, then I guess you just had to be there!
My kids also love Queen, especially “We Are the Champions” they get into the whole slap slap clap as they slap their thighs twice and then clap. Rob & I just look at each other and smile as they sing “YOU GOT MUD ON YOUR FACE….BIG DISGRACE…..” (The slap slap clap part I think they picked up from an “ICarly” episode but it just adds to how much fun it is to hear and watch them sing the song!). Okay so to make it fair to poor Taylor that I “dissed” him in my blog (as he would say), then I’ll tell you my story which happens to involve another Queen song “Another One Bites the Dust”. I know by this point, my mom is already laughing because she knows exactly what I’m talking about. See my version of the song went something like this....dun dun dun “ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN (dun dun dun) ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN AND ANOTHER ONE’S GONE AND ANOTHER ONE’S GONE…..ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN….HEY! YOU BETTER GET ONE TOO….ANOTHER ONE BUYS A DATSUN”
Summer Splash Party Hits CD = $1, hearing your kids sing their favorite songs = PRICELESS!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Does anyone know what it is like to be lost at 40? I mean those of you with a really great job that have a 401k, health insurance or whatever other benefits you get and just have no idea what’s in it because you just have money come out of your check and it was like you didn’t know it really even exists????? I’m here to tell you that you will appreciate its importance. If you ever get sick, or, something really bad happens where you weren’t smart enough to have a savings account building up every day like Suze Orman says to do and pay off all those damn credit cards that are actually maxed out, then you will feel the hurt that many of us are feeling these days!! Any financial questions send them to her!! I’m not particularly fond of her but I think she knows her shit when it comes to money!! Check her out if you want at: http://www.suzeorman.com/
I was one of those people once upon a time. I had several jobs that I absolutely loved over the past 23 years and the last one (well the totally official one I had that I now have a long term disability claim with) was a job working for the State of Arizona in the Juvenile Court. Law jobs are my kind of thing. I’ve had a little professional schooling but not enough or I would be an attorney!! I have a lot of people tell me it’s not too late but for me, it is. Anyway, I paid into the disability funds and all the other benefits thinking I should…JUST because I just should never realize I may actually need them someday. Well let me tell you how fucking hard it is to collect them if something happens to you!! My problem is they still have “no real diagnosis” (that’s a whole other blog for another day) so my current diagnosis are “Fibromyalgia” (http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/guide/arthritis-fibromyalgia). With Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fifth’s Disease and a couple other minor stupid things that nobody has ever heard of. My Vitamin D is horribly low so I take a supplement for that but nobody knows why.
I also have lesions on my brain so back in January I was told I had Demyelinating Disease (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/demyelinating-disease/AN00564)
So in other words with DD (Demyelinating Disease) after an MRI which showed lesions on my brain, my neurologist (which I saw as a just a precaution to make sure I didn’t have MS) began to tell me that I had the beginning stages of DD, after she said DD about three times while giving me an EMG test and sticking huge needles in my arms (this was a test for the numbness I was having and the possibility of carpal tunnel) I finally said to her “What the hell is DD???. She said “Multiple Sclerosis”. I thought I was gonna faint when she said it, I got light headed, I thought to myself “I knew I was sick and now after a year and a half they finally figure this shit out”. I didn’t know whether to be pissed, happy, sad, mad and I immediately thought I had to take on the attitude that I was gonna beat this shit! It was not gonna get me!! I would fight fight fight! Had I not started homeopathic treatments and realized that doctors really don’t know shit sometimes I would still be laying there in bed every day where I managed to gain 60 pounds and get so depressed I was suicidal. Several weeks later after a couple of other tests, called Evoked Potential Tests, she finally told my GP that she did not think I had MS but that I would need another MRI in 6 months (which means I need to have one ASAP—it’s been over 6 months). This was a huge relief but I am still reading everything I can. I read everything I can on Fibro, MS, and several other Auto Immune Diseases which mimic each other very closely which makes them really hard to diagnose.
SO……my point is…don’t get lost at 40 like I did….pay into that shit!!! My best advice is this..pay into that short term disability!! My husband and I now have Aflac. I love the duck and as a matter of fact I was gonna sell it at one time. I would put their web link up like everybody else but they have enough advertisement on their own and if you need to find them….you can and will. If you think you have cancer (but don’t have a real diagnosis yet) guess what, you can get the duck and they will cover everything 100%! Seriously! I love the duck and you should love whatever they offer you at work!
The point is….don’t get lost at 40 and don’t take those benefits for granted….if they offer them….TAKE EM!!
There you have it….stay tuned!
I was one of those people once upon a time. I had several jobs that I absolutely loved over the past 23 years and the last one (well the totally official one I had that I now have a long term disability claim with) was a job working for the State of Arizona in the Juvenile Court. Law jobs are my kind of thing. I’ve had a little professional schooling but not enough or I would be an attorney!! I have a lot of people tell me it’s not too late but for me, it is. Anyway, I paid into the disability funds and all the other benefits thinking I should…JUST because I just should never realize I may actually need them someday. Well let me tell you how fucking hard it is to collect them if something happens to you!! My problem is they still have “no real diagnosis” (that’s a whole other blog for another day) so my current diagnosis are “Fibromyalgia” (http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/guide/arthritis-fibromyalgia). With Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fifth’s Disease and a couple other minor stupid things that nobody has ever heard of. My Vitamin D is horribly low so I take a supplement for that but nobody knows why.
I also have lesions on my brain so back in January I was told I had Demyelinating Disease (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/demyelinating-disease/AN00564)
So in other words with DD (Demyelinating Disease) after an MRI which showed lesions on my brain, my neurologist (which I saw as a just a precaution to make sure I didn’t have MS) began to tell me that I had the beginning stages of DD, after she said DD about three times while giving me an EMG test and sticking huge needles in my arms (this was a test for the numbness I was having and the possibility of carpal tunnel) I finally said to her “What the hell is DD???. She said “Multiple Sclerosis”. I thought I was gonna faint when she said it, I got light headed, I thought to myself “I knew I was sick and now after a year and a half they finally figure this shit out”. I didn’t know whether to be pissed, happy, sad, mad and I immediately thought I had to take on the attitude that I was gonna beat this shit! It was not gonna get me!! I would fight fight fight! Had I not started homeopathic treatments and realized that doctors really don’t know shit sometimes I would still be laying there in bed every day where I managed to gain 60 pounds and get so depressed I was suicidal. Several weeks later after a couple of other tests, called Evoked Potential Tests, she finally told my GP that she did not think I had MS but that I would need another MRI in 6 months (which means I need to have one ASAP—it’s been over 6 months). This was a huge relief but I am still reading everything I can. I read everything I can on Fibro, MS, and several other Auto Immune Diseases which mimic each other very closely which makes them really hard to diagnose.
SO……my point is…don’t get lost at 40 like I did….pay into that shit!!! My best advice is this..pay into that short term disability!! My husband and I now have Aflac. I love the duck and as a matter of fact I was gonna sell it at one time. I would put their web link up like everybody else but they have enough advertisement on their own and if you need to find them….you can and will. If you think you have cancer (but don’t have a real diagnosis yet) guess what, you can get the duck and they will cover everything 100%! Seriously! I love the duck and you should love whatever they offer you at work!
The point is….don’t get lost at 40 and don’t take those benefits for granted….if they offer them….TAKE EM!!
There you have it….stay tuned!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
My First Blog!!
Wow! Here I am. This is my very own blog and I am so excited and I have so much to write about. Fair warning, I will probably piss people off, make people laugh, make people cry and who knows what else...hopefully nothing too serious! Thanks to my buddy Brett who writes the best blog ever!! http://blog.nordquist.org/ The good news is that I can't get fired!! ha ha ha I have some shit to write about you Susan! You can't fire me because I already quit (along with 4 others before me....hmm? something wrong with this picture? the good news is that the only reason i add to your positive numbers is because i quit for "health" reasons) perhaps you should do an inventory of yourself woman....you are so far from being management material its crazy...or have you been told this before? Even the Judges don't like you!! Oh my...did I say that? you bet I did...this is way more fun than I ever dreamed it would be!!
Okay so my daughter Abri who is 9 years old is an artist! Or as the proud parent that I am...I believe and am sure that she is! She painted her first canvas paintings this week and I have to say that they are pretty frigging awesome! I will be posting pics of them but in the end after much discussion and my encouragement and telling her how good she is....she posed a very good question today and asked me "who is the youngest artist in the world?" and I told her that I have no idea but we would "Google" it (that one is for you Brett! For what it is worth I hate BING!) and so we would discover who this young person might be and probably write about how awesome their art was in my first blog. Well here she is...... http://www.onariettaremet.com/onanew/index.htm I am not sure that I really think she is that GREAT!! OH I am just a rude bitch but seriously.....her parents are artists so did they help her do these "so-called" youngest artistic fingerpaints? MY kid and your kid can paint this shit on canvas right!!!?????
Okay so there it is...my first blog and already "controversial" as hell. Here we go everyone...this is just the first of many!!
Okay so my daughter Abri who is 9 years old is an artist! Or as the proud parent that I am...I believe and am sure that she is! She painted her first canvas paintings this week and I have to say that they are pretty frigging awesome! I will be posting pics of them but in the end after much discussion and my encouragement and telling her how good she is....she posed a very good question today and asked me "who is the youngest artist in the world?" and I told her that I have no idea but we would "Google" it (that one is for you Brett! For what it is worth I hate BING!) and so we would discover who this young person might be and probably write about how awesome their art was in my first blog. Well here she is...... http://www.onariettaremet.com/onanew/index.htm I am not sure that I really think she is that GREAT!! OH I am just a rude bitch but seriously.....her parents are artists so did they help her do these "so-called" youngest artistic fingerpaints? MY kid and your kid can paint this shit on canvas right!!!?????
Okay so there it is...my first blog and already "controversial" as hell. Here we go everyone...this is just the first of many!!
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